This is a very short update, as it is quarter to midnight.
There is much more that needs to be spoken about from recent events that will have to be covered at a more appropriate time. Things such as Centre parcs and train journey challenges. For now we must deal a loss.
Christine, for those of you who don't know, is the name that was affectionately given to my car. My car had some interesting idiosyncrasies, such as the stereo whining when the accelerator is depressed, tempermental breaks that could cause you to stop dead from merely touching the pedal or let you continue for much longer than you really should after breaking. She was also a bit of a mule when it came to starting and stopping and would kick and shudder all over then place. You couldn't really park Christine, it was more of a controlled stall... which is rather impressive in a car with automatic transmission. But Christine gained her name from the interesting noise made by the windscreen wipers, which sounded ominously enough, like the words "bye bye". This put me in mind of the possessed car that Stephen King wrote of, 'Christine'.
For those of you who have not yet picked up on the use of the past tense, let me put it bluntly. Christine is no longer with us. Last night, at ten past eight, Christine met her maker. Well, not her actual maker as she was a Fiat Punto and I'll be damned if I'm paying to send a car to Italy! On our way, in convoy, to a friend's leaving do in Claygate a complete loon driving at God knows what speed smashed into poor Christine as we pulled into a car park, crumpling her bonnet, nigh on detonating her radiator and sending her bouncing back into the car behind. Both other cars involved in the accident promtply drove off. But not before the driver of the offending car shouted a few choice words through the windscreen at me. Luckily both my passengers and I were unharmed, and thank God there were two other cars full of friends nearby who saw everything, helped me out and got the car's details.
If you live in the Claygate area (I know he did, as a man from the pub came out and told me he was local, known to the police and had been in the pub for a considerable time just before the accident) and drive a White Ford Fiesta XR2 then you better watch yourself. We have your license plate number, and now so do the police. Good job matey, you've just been in a hit and run and I'm not best pleased. Not to sound corny but, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry. You wrote off my car, and put the live of my friends in danger. Think about which of your limbs you are least fond of and I'll happily remove it, and anything else that comes to mind, when I see you.
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Cocks, Pirates and Puppets... Oh my?!
Well I have now returned to the land of the giant shiny silver rooster. I wish to now educate you as to the fact that my use of 'cock' was perfectly accurate. I have been getting some stick from numerous people about my overuse of innuendo (which I agree with but that's neither here nor there). Cock and rooster are synonymous, just coming from different sides of the Atlantic. A cocerel, however, is a young cock/rooster. A castrated cock is a capon.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rooster
Now, I hope we're all feeling educated.
I am currently sitting at work surrounded by children dressed as cowboys and indians running amok. No I don't work in a nursey or primary school (It's half term!) I work in a theatre. It's the Singing Kettle returned again, and as always they get the kids to dress up. At least with the farm themed one they weren't turning up with toy guns so they could pretend to shoot each other. It's slowly escalating into a re-enactment of the Battle of Little Bighorn.
I was going to try and ignore them... but there's no need now, they've left! Now it's just empty floor between me and the lifesize cut out of Captain Jack Sparrow. This, as I understand it, is a thought that would make most women, and special men, go weak at the knees. I can't say that I agree. Yes, Jack Sparrow is a very exciting man, but I feel no desire to be made his cabin boy whatsoever. Johnny Depp just doesn't put the wind in my sails. I'm sure by saying that the internet is about to explode from the 3 billion women in the world rushing to correct me. The women of Mole Valley are already fighting over the Captain Jack standee, asking if we'll sell him to them and then trying to gazump one another with prices. I'm sorry ladies, it's a cardboard representation of a fictitious character... even if you do take him home he's not exactly going to be able to shiver your timbers.
The film however, 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End', is defintely fantastic. I think it is fairly easily the best of the three. Disney have definitely come a long way for a movie franchise built around a theme park ride! Though it is a very enjoyable ride ... much better than 'It's a Small World'. It should be banned. I swear it must be worse than a LSD induced trip...
Damn my sister for making us ride the thing twice. Though it probably goes part way to explaining how odd I am today.
See http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rooster
Now, I hope we're all feeling educated.
I am currently sitting at work surrounded by children dressed as cowboys and indians running amok. No I don't work in a nursey or primary school (It's half term!) I work in a theatre. It's the Singing Kettle returned again, and as always they get the kids to dress up. At least with the farm themed one they weren't turning up with toy guns so they could pretend to shoot each other. It's slowly escalating into a re-enactment of the Battle of Little Bighorn.
I was going to try and ignore them... but there's no need now, they've left! Now it's just empty floor between me and the lifesize cut out of Captain Jack Sparrow. This, as I understand it, is a thought that would make most women, and special men, go weak at the knees. I can't say that I agree. Yes, Jack Sparrow is a very exciting man, but I feel no desire to be made his cabin boy whatsoever. Johnny Depp just doesn't put the wind in my sails. I'm sure by saying that the internet is about to explode from the 3 billion women in the world rushing to correct me. The women of Mole Valley are already fighting over the Captain Jack standee, asking if we'll sell him to them and then trying to gazump one another with prices. I'm sorry ladies, it's a cardboard representation of a fictitious character... even if you do take him home he's not exactly going to be able to shiver your timbers.
The film however, 'Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End', is defintely fantastic. I think it is fairly easily the best of the three. Disney have definitely come a long way for a movie franchise built around a theme park ride! Though it is a very enjoyable ride ... much better than 'It's a Small World'. It should be banned. I swear it must be worse than a LSD induced trip...
Damn my sister for making us ride the thing twice. Though it probably goes part way to explaining how odd I am today.
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Time of the Month
Don't worry... this isn't going to be an update about periods, it was just an ironical title based around my infrequent updates. Don't you hate when people explain the jokes to you. Bet I'm really getting on your tits.
Anyway, I'm back in Surrey at the moment for a, frankly, well deserved break. I have done absolutely no university related work this holiday. They don't call it a holiday for nothing you know. I have done some printing of lecture slides but I have real issues with working my @$$ off for 12 weeks solid to the point of giving my psoriasis and then using my holiday to do yet more work. Oh and yes.. you did read that right, I've been so busy and stressed I've given myself psoriasis. Which is better than what I originally thought it could be... ringworm! But yes enough griping... I've had enough of doing that. Time for some interesting observations that I have either made or completely stolen off those around me.
Is it just me or has Avril Lavigne discovered the Fountain of Youth? In the video for her new song she looks and sounds younger than ever! Seriously she looks about twelve... which makes the pelvis thrusting bathroom dance scene rather scary. But in it the married possom (aka Avril) plays both a bully and her nerdish victim. Well done Avril... way to glorify bullying. Pick on the nerds and you can steal their jock boyfriends:
On the plus side I like the song.
In local news....
Since coming home the proposed new art work has been put up on the roundabout. I don't think I've mentioned it till now but it's been proposed for a while and we've all been dreading it. It sounded so awfully tacky... a 12foot metal cockerel on the main Dorking roundabout. Sounds nasty doesn't it. Well it arrived while I was at uni and I didn't actually even notice it the first couple of times I drove past it:
So come to Dorking and see the big cock we've erected.
...Sorry I couldn't help myself.
Anyway, I'm back in Surrey at the moment for a, frankly, well deserved break. I have done absolutely no university related work this holiday. They don't call it a holiday for nothing you know. I have done some printing of lecture slides but I have real issues with working my @$$ off for 12 weeks solid to the point of giving my psoriasis and then using my holiday to do yet more work. Oh and yes.. you did read that right, I've been so busy and stressed I've given myself psoriasis. Which is better than what I originally thought it could be... ringworm! But yes enough griping... I've had enough of doing that. Time for some interesting observations that I have either made or completely stolen off those around me.
Is it just me or has Avril Lavigne discovered the Fountain of Youth? In the video for her new song she looks and sounds younger than ever! Seriously she looks about twelve... which makes the pelvis thrusting bathroom dance scene rather scary. But in it the married possom (aka Avril) plays both a bully and her nerdish victim. Well done Avril... way to glorify bullying. Pick on the nerds and you can steal their jock boyfriends:
On the plus side I like the song.
In local news....
Since coming home the proposed new art work has been put up on the roundabout. I don't think I've mentioned it till now but it's been proposed for a while and we've all been dreading it. It sounded so awfully tacky... a 12foot metal cockerel on the main Dorking roundabout. Sounds nasty doesn't it. Well it arrived while I was at uni and I didn't actually even notice it the first couple of times I drove past it:
So come to Dorking and see the big cock we've erected.
...Sorry I couldn't help myself.
Thursday, March 15, 2007
I hope this post isn't a learning opportunity...
Okay so a big gap between posts, I don't know how everyone else keeps their blogs up to date!
I have now been assigned my research project for my dissertation. I got the one I wanted, which is very good. For my project I shall be helping teach small children who are underperforming in reading or maths. Hopefully using something called Precision Teaching they will get better. This is the same body of people from whom the idea "it's not a mistake it's a 'learning opportunity'" comes from. Which sounds so much like they'reineffectual parents from an Enid Blyton book until someone's actually explained it too you. The basic idea is that it encourages the mindset that rather than seeing it as something you just can't do it becomes something you can't do YET. Much healthier for the little darlings, 'parently.
Anyway, riveting as I'm sure that all was, more interestingly I've found a film that I think rivals 'It's a Wonderful Life' in Christmas movies. Which just makes me think I was watching it at the wrong time of year. Due to our houses abuse of online rental companies' free trial offers, we're still getting our free movies and one in the latest batch was 'The Family Stone'. First thing is that I'm so glad I watched it alone, I actually think having someone else there would have tainted the experience somewhat. It was really nice to curl up with a glass of wine on my own, it was about the only time I've had to really relax properly and have me time in about the last month or more! Anyway, It kind of opens in a way that left me thinking I was going to be watching a festive 'American Pie' take off, really getting me off my guard. Basic premise is that 30-something brings his girlfriend to the family home for Christmas and their first meeting. She feels very out of place, hilarity ensues and she calls her sister down for back-up. What follows, while including some bed-swapping jollies, is one of the most tear-jerking, realistic and just plain good old-fashioned heart-warming family stories I've ever known. Even the trailer leaves you completely unprepared for the film:
Now for a good old bitch about work. I just don't know if the University have actually thought through what they actually expect us to do? The sheer amount of what we need to get done around each other thing is just ludicrous. Well, to be honest, the main problem is one particular module: Research Foundations. The stuff we need to do just keeps coming thick and fast and around the workload for the other modules it's just insane. Not to mention the fact that after five weeks of another module, developmental, we were expected to have a midterm consisting of five quote unquote short answer questions. Not an awful task in itself except for the fact that we had 55 pages of lecture slides, any notes we had made ourselves in those lectures, five 'core readings from texts and journals, any notes we'd made from them plus 'further reading' each lecture and, you;ve guessed it, any notes we'd made from those. Now assuming somehowwe found the time to do these readings, we had to revise it all for the exam in which we had to boil down all that information into coherent answers in about 10-15 minutes for each question. Not to mention that we also had a second exam on that same day!
Also, at the same time, Research is giving us lectures which actually don't, in theory, get examined. Instead we have had to read a chapter from a text book and write exam items for the chapter, make sure noone in our group and 'sister'-group have too similar questions. These questions are then all put into an online question bank from which we have to choose, from 1500 possible questions, approximately 50 that we we think are the best. Then, as a group, we had to choose a possible exam of 50 items from our coallated 'pool'. Now we have to revise for this exam, bearing in mind that, in theory, any of those 1500 questions can be on that test. We've also written personality trait based questionnaires, given these out, determined which of our questions were the best, all the groups' 'best' questions were made into a 250 item personality questionnaire, which we then had to complete, we're now running analyses on these results and have to write personality profiles for candidates for jobs based on this. Our dissertation proposal also counts for this module and so we have to be reading journals and planning our project and writing that proposal. We also have to find the time to take part in other peoples' projects too. I just think the uni is setting is up to fail.
What doesn't help is that when we turn up to lectures so much stuff is repeated from A-Level, from last year or even in other modules from this year and is often taught by people who don't even seem interested in it themselves. With that and the unrealistic deadline combinations you have to wonder if the various lecturers and module organisers actually talk to one another. You'd never guess that there is one person that actually oversees what gets taught when for each year group.
Anyway I'm going to cheer myself up now ith a youtube video sent to me by Sallyann. Korn featuring Amy Lee - 'Freak on a Leash'. If I ignore the Korn part of the song it's very good! Also the pronounciation of 'believe' by Korn's front man (they're crap so I don't know names) Is ridiculous. And just proves that yes they are poo:
I love you Sallyann, you know me so well. I promise not to put balloons in you again!
I have now been assigned my research project for my dissertation. I got the one I wanted, which is very good. For my project I shall be helping teach small children who are underperforming in reading or maths. Hopefully using something called Precision Teaching they will get better. This is the same body of people from whom the idea "it's not a mistake it's a 'learning opportunity'" comes from. Which sounds so much like they'reineffectual parents from an Enid Blyton book until someone's actually explained it too you. The basic idea is that it encourages the mindset that rather than seeing it as something you just can't do it becomes something you can't do YET. Much healthier for the little darlings, 'parently.
Anyway, riveting as I'm sure that all was, more interestingly I've found a film that I think rivals 'It's a Wonderful Life' in Christmas movies. Which just makes me think I was watching it at the wrong time of year. Due to our houses abuse of online rental companies' free trial offers, we're still getting our free movies and one in the latest batch was 'The Family Stone'. First thing is that I'm so glad I watched it alone, I actually think having someone else there would have tainted the experience somewhat. It was really nice to curl up with a glass of wine on my own, it was about the only time I've had to really relax properly and have me time in about the last month or more! Anyway, It kind of opens in a way that left me thinking I was going to be watching a festive 'American Pie' take off, really getting me off my guard. Basic premise is that 30-something brings his girlfriend to the family home for Christmas and their first meeting. She feels very out of place, hilarity ensues and she calls her sister down for back-up. What follows, while including some bed-swapping jollies, is one of the most tear-jerking, realistic and just plain good old-fashioned heart-warming family stories I've ever known. Even the trailer leaves you completely unprepared for the film:
Now for a good old bitch about work. I just don't know if the University have actually thought through what they actually expect us to do? The sheer amount of what we need to get done around each other thing is just ludicrous. Well, to be honest, the main problem is one particular module: Research Foundations. The stuff we need to do just keeps coming thick and fast and around the workload for the other modules it's just insane. Not to mention the fact that after five weeks of another module, developmental, we were expected to have a midterm consisting of five quote unquote short answer questions. Not an awful task in itself except for the fact that we had 55 pages of lecture slides, any notes we had made ourselves in those lectures, five 'core readings from texts and journals, any notes we'd made from them plus 'further reading' each lecture and, you;ve guessed it, any notes we'd made from those. Now assuming somehowwe found the time to do these readings, we had to revise it all for the exam in which we had to boil down all that information into coherent answers in about 10-15 minutes for each question. Not to mention that we also had a second exam on that same day!
Also, at the same time, Research is giving us lectures which actually don't, in theory, get examined. Instead we have had to read a chapter from a text book and write exam items for the chapter, make sure noone in our group and 'sister'-group have too similar questions. These questions are then all put into an online question bank from which we have to choose, from 1500 possible questions, approximately 50 that we we think are the best. Then, as a group, we had to choose a possible exam of 50 items from our coallated 'pool'. Now we have to revise for this exam, bearing in mind that, in theory, any of those 1500 questions can be on that test. We've also written personality trait based questionnaires, given these out, determined which of our questions were the best, all the groups' 'best' questions were made into a 250 item personality questionnaire, which we then had to complete, we're now running analyses on these results and have to write personality profiles for candidates for jobs based on this. Our dissertation proposal also counts for this module and so we have to be reading journals and planning our project and writing that proposal. We also have to find the time to take part in other peoples' projects too. I just think the uni is setting is up to fail.
What doesn't help is that when we turn up to lectures so much stuff is repeated from A-Level, from last year or even in other modules from this year and is often taught by people who don't even seem interested in it themselves. With that and the unrealistic deadline combinations you have to wonder if the various lecturers and module organisers actually talk to one another. You'd never guess that there is one person that actually oversees what gets taught when for each year group.
Anyway I'm going to cheer myself up now ith a youtube video sent to me by Sallyann. Korn featuring Amy Lee - 'Freak on a Leash'. If I ignore the Korn part of the song it's very good! Also the pronounciation of 'believe' by Korn's front man (they're crap so I don't know names) Is ridiculous. And just proves that yes they are poo:
I love you Sallyann, you know me so well. I promise not to put balloons in you again!
Friday, February 09, 2007
Tuesday, January 02, 2007
Baker's Dozen
Happy New Year all you cyberspacians!
I saw the new year in by riding a rocking horse with a 40-something lesbian while drinking raspberry flavour Absolut Vodka shots. We were also singing 'Ride on Time', a classic 80s song involving shouty lyrics controversially not sung by the woman in the video. I remember seeing her in tears on one of those "100 Greatest...." countdowns that Channel4 keep doing. The group who made the song apparently thought she was dead which is why she wasn't asked to be in the video. I'm glad a corpse wasn't used but they at least should have checked.
Perusing the glory that is YouTube I have discovered something that I'd long forgotten originally shown to me by my old flatmate Harry Perry .... The Narnia Rap! It's a skit from Saturday Night Live, a show with some very funny stuff available. Sadly I only get to see stuff people put on the net as I don't live in the States. I'm off to see if I can find all the Jeopardy sketches now. But I'll leave you with the Narnia Rap:
I saw the new year in by riding a rocking horse with a 40-something lesbian while drinking raspberry flavour Absolut Vodka shots. We were also singing 'Ride on Time', a classic 80s song involving shouty lyrics controversially not sung by the woman in the video. I remember seeing her in tears on one of those "100 Greatest...." countdowns that Channel4 keep doing. The group who made the song apparently thought she was dead which is why she wasn't asked to be in the video. I'm glad a corpse wasn't used but they at least should have checked.
Perusing the glory that is YouTube I have discovered something that I'd long forgotten originally shown to me by my old flatmate Harry Perry .... The Narnia Rap! It's a skit from Saturday Night Live, a show with some very funny stuff available. Sadly I only get to see stuff people put on the net as I don't live in the States. I'm off to see if I can find all the Jeopardy sketches now. But I'll leave you with the Narnia Rap:
Saturday, December 30, 2006
Would you like a little dessert?
Well here we are, we've survived Christmas. I just hope the same can be said for my bank balance after the sales. I was touch and go myself for a minute just now as my colleague told me she was thinking of getting a £125 bag and a £150 purse in the sales and had to grip the desk to steady myself against the desk. I nearly collapsed when she said that those -are- the sale prices!
I've been spoiled this year and had two Christmases. (You know it's been a strange time when you have to think of the plural of Christmas.) I had one in Bangor and one back in Brockham. Somehow there was more food in the meal paid for and cooked by students. But then in a Dickens-esque moment we did have goose at home. I can now inform you that goose meat lies somewhere between duck and beef in flavour and look. If you can imagine that you've got a better imagination than i have; I struggled to do so when I was eating the thing.
I was out last night to celebrate Anne's (aka the Munchkin's) 21st birthday. We had a great time in the pub, but why oh why do pubs need to be so smokey? Yes people, it's soapbox time! It's a disgusting habit from which I refrain, so why must I have it inflicted upon me when I want to go out with my friends to the only easily accessible venues? I do not like the smell of cigarettes on me, and because I'm not constantly surrounded by it or am spending £5 a go to poison myself and deaden my senses I can smell it on me for ages afterwards. It's so overpowering that I have trouble getting to sleep. I can smell it on my bedding for days after. I can smell it on me now and I've showered since and am wearing absolutely nothing that I was wearing last night. There are enough warnings about the dangers of smoking and every year 5 million deaths are directly attributed to smoking making the second most common cause of death after cancer. With all this information and warning out I find it not only stupid that people continue smoking without even trying to quit and mind-boggling that more people start smoking every day.
I keep discovering e4 are showing late night reruns of 'Smack the Pony', only the createst sketch show ever invented. More importantly the DVDs are available for the first two seasons. Though strangely, not in England... the show's country of origin. But in Germany, on their version of Amazon. Until I finally resort to buying them I have reruns and YouTube:
I hope Sallyann reads this post.
I've been spoiled this year and had two Christmases. (You know it's been a strange time when you have to think of the plural of Christmas.) I had one in Bangor and one back in Brockham. Somehow there was more food in the meal paid for and cooked by students. But then in a Dickens-esque moment we did have goose at home. I can now inform you that goose meat lies somewhere between duck and beef in flavour and look. If you can imagine that you've got a better imagination than i have; I struggled to do so when I was eating the thing.
I was out last night to celebrate Anne's (aka the Munchkin's) 21st birthday. We had a great time in the pub, but why oh why do pubs need to be so smokey? Yes people, it's soapbox time! It's a disgusting habit from which I refrain, so why must I have it inflicted upon me when I want to go out with my friends to the only easily accessible venues? I do not like the smell of cigarettes on me, and because I'm not constantly surrounded by it or am spending £5 a go to poison myself and deaden my senses I can smell it on me for ages afterwards. It's so overpowering that I have trouble getting to sleep. I can smell it on my bedding for days after. I can smell it on me now and I've showered since and am wearing absolutely nothing that I was wearing last night. There are enough warnings about the dangers of smoking and every year 5 million deaths are directly attributed to smoking making the second most common cause of death after cancer. With all this information and warning out I find it not only stupid that people continue smoking without even trying to quit and mind-boggling that more people start smoking every day.
I keep discovering e4 are showing late night reruns of 'Smack the Pony', only the createst sketch show ever invented. More importantly the DVDs are available for the first two seasons. Though strangely, not in England... the show's country of origin. But in Germany, on their version of Amazon. Until I finally resort to buying them I have reruns and YouTube:
I hope Sallyann reads this post.
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